those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
How naked do you want me to be?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
