you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
