Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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