You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm bleeding and have questions
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
