I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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