I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
