she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
