I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
