My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
