Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
