i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
