genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
