Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
