Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
