if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
