I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
