i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
