I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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