It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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