Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Please, let me fuck your mom
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Randomize
