Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
