gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
