probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
