bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
