she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
