i permit you to call me
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize