im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
