Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
