just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
