Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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