Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
