I'm so fucking centered right now
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
