Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
