I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
