she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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