I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
