i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
