She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
