just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
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