we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
