Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
