i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
