Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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