i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
