hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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