I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
