Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
