Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
