Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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