I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
